The stupiest day of my life.

I didn’t expect my business trip to Boston to turn out into a cheap comedy/melodrama. But here I am, in an executive suite bigger than my flat being scared to even step outside to get some ice.

I have to say that the day didn’t start nicely.

All night I kept awakening thanks to a mosquito who decide to bite, and I’m not joking, my ass. So I woke up and I had three beautiful red itchy spots of my milk white behind.

Then I’ve decided to go have breakfast and there was a football team feeding themselves on the hotels buffet. Everything that was left was Swedish bread and some lemon jam. Dislike both, not only because of the nationality of the bread –which doesn’t help, either- but because one taste like cardboard and the other is just an unnatural taste for a jam. I said.

I was only able to get black tea to start the day. One of the longest daytimes of my life, but at that time I was ignorant of that.

So, there I was, all nicely dress for a summer day to work with somebody I didn’t know around Boston. But this person never showed up, she has disappeared from the Earth’s face. So, I called his boss, who picked me up without knowing what to do with me.

I’ve accompanied him to his errands and here is when the disaster arrived. He offered me a cup of coffee –and I don’t like coffee, but I accepted out of education. It took me 5 minutes to spill it all over me, and over my blackberry.

Blacky –yes, my phone had name- died ten minutes after the spill. 

It survived water; beer; wine, but coffee pushed it over the edge. (Worst thing is: I never drink coffee!!!).

They apperantly, don't get along really well.

And here is where the nightmare began. The first hours of the day just prepared me for what was coming…

I couldn’t go through a scheduled conference call. I had to email from my gmail my boss and my direct colleague to prevent them of my phone absence.

So, I went to my meetings with somebody I was not supposed to go, but first person was still missing.

Meeting one: all fine.

Meeting two: I felt some pain. But the timing was not right, so I kept doing what I was doing.

Meeting three: I’ve decide to check out what was going on around my feminine area. And there it was: a vibrant red spot. (Not the usual color)

For a weird state of mind, at the very first moment I thought “Shit, you got pregnant, loser” and then my hypochondriac side step over “Maybe you have uterus cancer”.

Three hours later, a silk dressed spotted on coffee, milk and blood and a client’s car also stained, I’ve discovered it was just my regular 30 days thing. That decided to come two weeks earlier.

I had one clear goal: to find a pharmacy and a restroom.

Me:  -“Do you have a restroom?”

CVS employee: -“No, Starbucks might have one.”

Me at Starbucks: -“Can you give me the password for the bathroom?”

Starbucks employee: - “We don’t have restrooms. Maybe Macys does.”

Me at Macys, 1^st floor: -“Where are your restrooms, please?”

Macys’ employee: - “Second floor.”

Me at Macys, 2^nd floor: -“Where are your restrooms, please?”

Macys’ employee # 2: - “The ones on this floor are under maintenance, go to the 4^th floor.”

Four escalators later, the entire sports department seen and an extremely uncomfortable sensation of dripping… I found the restrooms.

In my urgent need to get myself clean, I’ve rushed into the lady’s room. Result: I got my skirt wet of toilet water.

Another reason to just throw away my new dress: toilet water, on addition coffee, milk and blood.

Time to get my phone fixed.

Inbound time in Verizon store: 4:15pm.

Outbound time: impossible to calculate, any estimation would be not accurate.

Dealing with people that hates their job or they have a really low IQ has always been a problem for me. I know this last statement might sound harsh and intelligence racist, but I cannot help with it.

Long story short: three Verizon stores, two taxis, one sell & buy store later -where I was the only person never convicted-, I found somebody able (willing?) to help me.

While he was on that duty; a girl asked me where I bought my shoes.

Answer it is easy with me: Zara.

Due to my only nice moment of the day, I was moving my feet quite a lot -I guess to brag about my Inditex’s design when… I got attack.

A papillion chiguagua put its little teeth on my right shoe and then it started leaking it. 

Vicious criature.

Yes, the coffee spill arrived to the shoe and the vicious criature was attracted to it.

Do you think the owner apologized to me? Maybe in any other day of my life, but sure not I was getting a “Sorry my little rat attack your extremities.” Not at all.

I contemplated the idea of suing that bitch -owner and dog, both fit in this nominative- for life. And then I remembered I’m not American.

Half way to have my life back, I decided to head towards my hotel. But they day decided I didn’t had enough.

A sudden wind blown my skirt, showing everybody in a crowed square my very much stained underwear and getting me wet with water from the square fountain.

Just like Marilyn, but in loser.

I arrived to the hotel with an almost destroyed, and certainly wet silk dress, a dead phone and one half way to its grave, a chiguagua bite, three mosquito bites and lots of tampons.

I decided I wouldn’t go anywhere. I would close myself in the room and wait for the sun to rise and bring a new day… But destiny had another plans for me.

Two hours later I was inside the bed, answering emails, trying to get back to normal when… Fire alarm went on.

I’m not kidding –you can look on the news: Fire in Boston Sheraton.

Hundreds of people, some dressed as professional dancers (who I must say, look very scary from close sight), and myself were evacuated for fire in the building.

Around 11pm I came back to my room and I prayed: “-Please, kill me now, or let me sleep.”

Tomorrow for sure my boyfriend will dump me or the company will fire me. Or I’ll get killed by a wild bunch of Papillion chiguaguas. (Quite sure last one is the right one).

Thanks LIFE for not allowing me to get bored –ever.